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• (407): View more from Florida

  I think I have a pornographic memory.

  (954): View more from Florida

  Don't you mean photographic?

  (407): View more from Florida

  No.

  Fav 15 6237 1017

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.

  (1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Your godly.

  Fav 13 4492 1435

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.

  Fav 6 1211 2285

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• (806): View more from Texas

  We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.

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• (626): View more from California

  I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.

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• (962): View more from

  bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?

  Fav 2 549 664

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".

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