He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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