May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
