let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
