I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
