you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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