3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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