Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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