you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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