In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
