took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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