I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
