Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
