Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
