also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize