so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
