Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
