I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
only if we run a train.
done.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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