I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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