Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
