tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
