this boner is exhausting
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
