weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
