Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
