Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
