so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
