So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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