20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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