I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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