corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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