just tell him i said nine months
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
