I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
