Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
im holly from the hills drunk
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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