Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
