He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
