so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
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I feel like death gave me a hand job
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
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My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?