What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.