Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..