I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
