i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
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she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
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My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?