i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
How's work?
Spinning.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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