So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
