So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
