haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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