OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
