Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
