i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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