Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
