that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
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Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
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Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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