but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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