Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
