Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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