The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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