I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
