please come you make the beer taste better
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
