So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
