Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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