Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
