If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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