There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
