We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
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Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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