Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
