I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
