Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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