Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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