so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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