Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
