Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
