Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
