how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
