My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
