I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
BRING THE BAGELS
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
