The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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