Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
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Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
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Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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