Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
