I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
