i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
