I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
