rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
it glows. i had to have it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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