Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She's the barista slut.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
