I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize