I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
